Dating Advice From Prison

Those who have ever met my brother, even for a little bit, can probably figure out how much of a “Mac-Daddy” he is. The guy can literally walk into a room and have the ladies flock to him. So unfair. (Not that I’m looking to attract any ladies…)

Of course his “Mac-Daddy” days have been limited a bit, since he went to prison. Yeah… his current address can be found on many a DOC website.

One of the upsides to my brother being in prison is that AK has a lot more time to write letters to his family. The oddest thing is that he even expects letters back. So weird… I’ve never heard this much from my brother. Like, ever.

During one of our interchanges, I happened to mention some of my frustrations with online dating… and maybe dating in general, I can’t remember. I’m sure you’re all surprised by this reveal. Then again, I lead the most interesting life there is, so finding that topic to talk about was almost a stretch. Yeah, so was that last sentence.

Anyway… I feel the definite need to share some of my brother’s dating advice. I mean, locked up or not, he has great things to say. (No, I’m not mocking him at all… this is brilliant stuff. ;))

First of all, AK tells me that I shouldn’t be doing any online dating. He says that he is locked up with most of the guys on those sites. Isn’t that refreshing? I told him that they seemed so genuine and normal though, how could he be locked up with them? (Then again, there’s the whole problem with some of the guys he’s with not being allowed on the internet in the first place, so we might be alright.)

Second he told me that even he, Mr. Mac-Daddy himself has had trouble hooking up with people online. He said that when he was on the few sites that he frequented, he could hardly get any hits. But, he could walk into any bar, and find someone to take home with him. (Yeah, have I mentioned that my brother doesn’t exactly have the most shining moral character?) But the point is the same; he seems to think that meeting people in real life is better.

When I told him that I took a trip to FL, but didn’t come back with any phone numbers, he seemed a little incensed. He told me that going on vacations was the perfect time to try different methods of picking people up. “You find out what does and what doesn’t work, and since you’ll never see these people again anyway, it’s the perfect way to go about trying new things.” That might be halfway decent advice, but I wasn’t really willing to go out on an unfamiliar town on my own when I was visiting people similar to my parents. He didn’t seem to get that one. “Just tell them, great to see you, get their keys and tell them that you’ll see them sometime tomorrow.” And he wonders why we worry about him sometimes…

He told me that when he gets out, if I’m still single, he and I are going to go on a vacation somewhere, so he can show me the finer points of hooking up. He did offer to have me join his “crew” at Mardi Gras one year. I can’t tell you how disappointed I was that it didn’t work out. (Yes! I’m being sarcastic.)

AK has also informed me that I am an LSU fan. Then he threw a bunch of gibberish at me that I’m sure he expected me to understand. The point he was making, from a previous letter, was that I needed to learn sports. Apparently guys like when girls know something about sports. I told him that I didn’t mind sports, though live action trumps TV any day. I just figured I had better things to spend my time on right now. Plus, don’t guys like to be able to teach their girls about sports? He never responded to that. Unless that was somewhere in the gibberish he threw at me.

The Ugly Truth would tell us that we have to completely change who we are to attract the men we desire. (This is a blog for another day.) Dating in the Dark tries to find out if there can be lasting relationships formed when the first impression has nothing to do with looks. (Yet another blog for a different day.) While the movie version of He’s Just Not That Into You tries to tell us that we need to hope that maybe we’ll be the exception. All of it is very, VERY confusing. What exactly is expected of us? How are we supposed to find that special someone, outside of completely changing who we are and manipulating situations to achieve our desired results? I’m sorry, that’s just not how I want to live. I also refuse to believe that there is something inherently wrong with who I am the way that I am.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There are things about all of us that probably should be changed. But, I refuse to believe that the fact that I like knitting immediately means I’m going to be a spinster. So what if I have a cat and my favorite pastime is reading. So what if I don’t like the bar scene. I refuse to lower my expectations that far anyway. And frankly, if The Ugly Truth really is the truth, and that is all that I have to look forward to, then I would rather stay single. If I have to be a little blunt about it.

I’m going to choose to believe that there is someone special out there for all of us. And if he’s not out there, then the rapture is going to happen before God wanted me to get married anyway.

My point: it is okay to have high expectations. Its okay to want to wait for someone who is mentally older than 10. Don’t try to change who you are, if you genuinely like who you are. We are all inherently good and beautiful people (well, if we toss that sin nature at our core aspect out for just a minute.) God made you just the way he wanted you. As long as you are living your life for God’s best, there is nothing wrong with you.

So… Sorry AK, I think I’m going to skip the vacation dating lessons… unless all you’re really looking for is a DD. ;)
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